You feel like crap all the time. Whether you’re tired, lethargic, sore, have pains in your stomach/head/neck, or just feel icky, it’s definitely a thing.
For me, it’s all of those things.
When the kids were infants, I had to start at the beginning to regain myself. I had to start at “take a shower.” I had to start at “wipe down a counter top.” I had to start with “eat a meal. Even one.”
You think you overcome that. But sometimes, even if your kids are older, you slip back. Or you come so far that you’ve circled around.
I took a full courseload this semester in grad school. It just about killed me, no lie. I added it to the things I’d already added back when a successful day was taking out the trash and getting to the Walgreens. I didn’t get rid of anything because I don’t want to. But I’m not going to last.
I cannot: go to school full time, raise five-year-old “spirited” twins, keep a clean(ish) house, blog everyday, edit and write novels, freelance as a journalist, and submit short fiction and essays every week. I mean, I can. I have been.
But I really feel like crap.
The easiest thing to do would be to cut back. Which I’m doing (in my way). I went from three to two courses next semester (and an extra thesis credit). Whatever. That’s all I’m cutting for now. We’ll see.
I also have to take care of my body better. Like, a lot better.
I eat like absolute garbage. I have toast and tea for breakfast, nothing or a huge bowl of chips/candy/ice cream/ name your junk for lunch, then nothing until dinner (which is usually pretty healthy, because, you know, family and I have to), then repeat huge bowl of whatever processed bullcrap I can shove in my facehole.
Not surprisingly, my stomach is killing me right now. However, it does surprise me because I’ve been able to eat like this my whole life with no consequence.
Oh, and I don’t drink any water. Just coffee and wine, mostly.
Oh, and I smoke.
So…yeah, I have to fix all this stuff.
I’m going to go slowly.
I like making lists, so here’s my list: (starting tomorrow, and each week adds to the previous week, not replaces):
Week 1: Drink 5 glasses of water every day. Keep track of cigarettes smoked
Week 2: Eat three fruits a day. Cut out first cigarette of the day.
Week 3: Go to bed by 11:30 every night. Add protein to breakfast.
Week 4: Eat three vegetables a day. Cut out last cigarette at night.
Week 5: Limit junk food to one garbage snack a day.
Week 6: Cut wine to one glass a night, or seven glasses a week, however I want to split that up.
Week 7: DIE (No, just kidding. Quit smoking.)
I…I think that’s it. Right? I don’t know if I can do it all in six weeks, I might have to spread it out. I’ll let you know how I do.
The biggest thing is, I’m only doing this because I want to feel better. I don’t want to feel worse. So, I’ll have to strike a balance, and also not lose my mind.
Wish me luck.