Do You Even Know What Love Is?

Once upon a time, the economy crashed. My husband was laid off, I worked more than an hour away for very little money, and he stayed home alone all day looking for work and taking care of infant twins.

You know this. If not, here. Here it is.

What you don’t know is this.

These two are Elise and Andrea Schreier. I hardly knew them. They were friends of a good friend of mine, and all I knew during that tumultuous time when I was barely hanging on for pure exhaustion and depression was that they wanted children desperately. They loved children.

My friend said, hey, you should call them. I bet they’d help you out. And I thought, but I don’t have any money to pay them. But they didn’t want money. And I thought, but I only know them in passing. In all the times we’ve seen each other, I’ve never really reached out in friendship, though we were friendly enough. You know the difference. The ‘hey, how are you,’ acquaintance versus a friend. They didn’t care. These two extremely driven, working, successful women started stopping by my house (out of their way, mind you), to watch my infants and give my husband a break in the evenings once a week. Just because.

Just fucking because.

To this day, my husband refers to them as our lifeline. That seemingly small favor they did us (for an extended period of time, out of the goodness of their hearts), kept him sane. It really did.

And now it’s time.

Now it’s time to look at what we are doing. At what we are saying. That two women or two men can’t get married, don’t have the right to access, you know, human rights. The bond these two share is as strong as any hetero marriage I’ve witnessed, and honestly, stronger than most of those. And that is not even close to all.

While they were sitting for us, Elise and Andrea had applied for Connecticut’s foster program. And they waited months and months for approval. And every time they got close, something happened, something delayed it. Then when they were finally approved they got put on a list. It was heartwrenching. It almost brought Elise to tears a few times when we spoke about it. They just wanted a family, and not only a family for themselves, but to create a family for a child less fortunate.

You’re telling me that’s bad?

Well, don’t tell me.

Tell them:

Through the foster program, Elise and Andrea eventually took a little boy. Then his little sister. Then his baby sister. Three siblings staying together because Connecticut allows gay couples to parent children. Because gay couples are fucking people. And you know what else?

They adopted the kids. All three. These three children have a life full of love, laughter and happiness because that is what Elise and Andrea provide. That is who they are. That is what they do.

You’re trying to say that because they’re in love with each other instead of being in love with a man that they’re somehow not qualified to love at all?

You’re wrong. Ask those three kids. Ask Elise or Andrea. Ask me.

This truly is a no-brainer. Why are we even talking about this? What is wrong with society that the happy family I know is thought of as wrong, as somehow incapable? Elise and Andrea are ten times the parents I am. And I don’t say that to say I’m a bad parent. They’re just better.

So if we’re going to start judging whether people can get married or not on their ability to parent, I’m just saying, let’s ask questions that are relevant to parenting. Because it has nothing to do with whom you love. And people, as human beings, deserve to marry whom they love.


About parentwin

Parent of twins, blogger, writer and journalist. I write things. Sometimes people even read them.
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