I think the title here speaks for itself. No introduction needed.
1) He rewrites history.
My girls will say, “Hey, remember when you said you were going to give me a lollipop?” When I said, “I’ll give you a lollipop tomorrow after breakfast, if you behave.”
Romney takes it a step further.
He’ll straight up claim that the Obama administration is trying to spread misperceptions about him by saying he doesn’t care about 100 percent of the people. Which, obviously, he does.
Oh wait, no. That was Romney who said that 47 percent thing. I saw the video.
2) He confuses words and their meanings. And he makes words up.
Sure, my girls use words like “boccki” just for the hell of it. Mitt Romney uses words like “misperception” when under pressure. It’s misconception.
3) He cannot answer direct questions.
Me: “Did you go potty?”
Twins: “I really like Superman.”
Candy: Can you talk about assault weapons that were once illegal and are now legal?
4) He blames everything on mom.
Did you know that the rising violence in America rests solely on the shoulders of single moms? Thanks for that insight, Mitt.
5) He says straight up ridiculous things.
My girls: “Mom, I’m a unicorn!”
6) He has no respect for authority and will act petulant and rude when simply being reminded to follow the rules.
7) If he doesn’t like what you’re saying, he’ll try to intimidate you. He will simply repeat things louder and more persistently than you (just like my kids), then laugh as if you’re the asshole (not like my kids. A new level of immaturity even they have yet to achieve).
8) He uses really big hand gestures as if the reason you don’t understand him is that you are incompetent. My kids also employ this method to indicate really big and really small. But it’s for them not for me.
9) He’ll tell you what the rules are, thank you very much.
Me: “Give her back the toy.”
Girls: “It’s my turn.”
Me: “You just had the toy. Now it’s her turn.”
Candy: “It’s time to move on.”
Romney: “If he gets two minutes I get to respond!”
Candy: “You answered the question first and we have another audience–“
10) He will tell you with absolute certainty things that are patently false.
Girls: “I didn’t poop my pants.”
Me: “Are you sure? Because I smell it.”
Girls: “Yes, I sure.”
Romney: The President didn’t come out and say it was terrorism until two weeks later.
Obama: Actually, I said that in the Rose Garden the next day.
Romney: In the Rose Garden, hahahahaha, you did? In the Rose Garden, the next day?
Candy: Um, actually, yeah, he kind of did.
Just shows you the kind of confidence he can portray about things he actually knows nothing about.