Jason Good hit gold with this little diatribe of thoughts that must run through his two year old’s head.
At three, children are so much more mature, you’ve no idea. They’ve truly grown and expanded their horizons. By which I mean they’re still thinking the exact same thing only they can talk, so instead of having to make up a monologue for them, they give it to you. Until your ears bleed from the utter joy at hearing their dulcet tones…yet again.
At three, they’ve done my work for me. I now present to you the conversations held with me during the three minutes it took me to read about three minutes in Jason Good’s baby’s life.
Green couch, down basket, WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
You want Cat in the Hat, Lilly? You want Cat in the Hat? Lilly. LILLY. You want Cat in the Hat?
No! Down basket! Green couch!
Hey! Don’t kick the green couch.
No! No, Lilly, don’t kick the green couch.
Mama, Lilly is kicking the green couch!
-Lilly, stop kicking the green couch.
No! Kick it!
Nooooooo! Don’t kick it.
Hey, your nose is wet. Mama, Lilly’s nose is wet.
No! My nose is dry!
Your nose is wet, Lilly.
No, it’s dry.
No, it’s wet.
Mama, don’t wash Bean. I love Bean.
I need Cheezits, mama. I don’t like breakfast. I need Cheezits.
No! Not Cheezits. I want pretzels.
I want more honey.
I need my shoes.
I want to wear a diaper. I’m a baby.
No, you’re a big girl now, Lilly. I a baby.
No, Dulce. I a baby.
Mama, you nice? Hug on the green couch! Kiss me!
No, no kiss her.
Yes, kiss me!
I have to go potty. … Ta-da! Wipe me, wipe me!
At this point I give up and start praying to the coffee gods that nap time comes soon. Even when they’re not fighting constantly, they are talking constantly. I mean constantly. Jason Good won’t have to wonder what his child is thinking soon enough. His child will tell him. His child will give him a livestream of toddler information from dawn until dusk.
Oh, and she’ll continue with her love of pushing buttons and fearing that mommy has disappeared forever. Only that love will be louder.