I am a plant killer. I cannot keep potted plants. It’s beyond a black thumb; it’s ridiculous. I mean, how hard can this be? Aren’t plants at the bottom of the responsibility totem pole? Like, you tell your kids they can’t get a pet hamster until they prove they can care for a plant?
No one should give me a hamster…nevermind the twins I have. I simply cannot keep a plant alive. It should be simple, right? Water it. Put it in a well-lighted area. Yeah, no. I’m clearly missing some important steps in plant maintenance. So, my solution, instead of bettering myself, or trying different things, is to not buy any plants.
Still, this sometimes backfires. For example, for my birthday this year, a mere month and a half ago, my friends bought me a beautiful, yellow-flowering potted plant. This plant, I resolved, would make it. I was older now, more experienced. I was taking care of young children. I could certainly handle a plant.