Okay, so maybe LZ Granderson said “Curb your Brats” in the title, but if you read even a bit of his obviously enhanced-for-web-traffic piece, you’ll see that I’m not so far off.
Granderson says he has an issue with parents unable or unwilling to discipline their children. If this were really the case, I’d back him up 100 percent. But that’s not what I got from his unsubstatiated, anecdotal diatribe. No, what I took away from this piece is that Granderson has an issue with the existence of children.
Granderson has some news for parents.
“I do not love your child,” he says. “The rest of the country does not love your child either.”
Mr. Granderson, here’s a news flash for you. We don’t love you either. Our presence in your vicinity has nothing to do with a fondness for people who dislike children.
He goes on.
“The reason why we’re staring at you every other bite is not because we’re acknowledging some sort of mutual understanding that kids will be kids but rather we want to kill you for letting your brat ruin our dinner. Or our plane ride. Or trip to the grocery store.”
Well, thank you for clearing that up. All this time, I thought the hatred-filled stares thrown our way when one of the kids had a breakdown was really just a mask hiding the overwhelming waves of love underneath. I was convinced that each heavy sigh and eye roll was a gesture of kind understanding and sympathy.