When I became a parent, I fully expected my speech patterns to change a bit. I knew I’d be hearing a lot more phrases like “You can’t do that,” “Please wait,” “In a minute,” and the now infamous “Can you hear me?” (That last one follows a family tradition. My mother used to say it to us over and over again, and I thought it was the dumbest question. Of course I can hear you. I’m just not responding. Derp.)
Still, I was not prepared for the string of utterly ridiculous words that leave my mouth on a daily basis. An outsider listening in would think I’ve lost my damn mind. So for your enjoyment (and my memory) here’s a list of the top ten ridiculous things I have said this week.
– Why would you put your jammies in the potty?
– Which one of you wants to give Superman his milk?
– Don’t worry, someday you’ll be big enough for wine.
– When people are outside, they wear pants.
– Caterpillars are our friends!
– Your sister is not your bed!
– Don’t lick the windows, please.
– Okay, I’m going to flush the toilet by myself.
– No! I will not open my sunglasses!
– Come here, let me kiss your bum.
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